October 27, 2016
Distance & Inner Circle:
Why I Maintain Both
In the past seven years, I've been given plenty of reasons to trust and plenty of reasons not to trust people. It's never something personal against someone, okay sometimes it is. But for the majority of times when I keep someone away from my heart, it's to protect my very soft, very vulnerable interior. When you've been stabbed a couple times in the heart, you learn to shield that away from others until they prove they can be trusted completely. For those people I do trust, they're in the inner circle for sure.
My inner circle is composed of my family, the best friends, and that's about it. Being in the inner circle doesn't exclusively include my trust, it includes the support and love that I provide to my friends over time and whenever they need it it's available. That IC (Inner Circle) are the companions I've known for years and our bonds have remained strong even through distance and drama. Sometimes I still distance myself from those in the IC, I believe this happens because just like the plants in winter we need to withdraw to protect and we can regrow into something better for the spring.
Having a hard shell does not mean that you are constantly shielded from loving or receiving love or any other emotion, it just means you are more careful with your emotional spending and investing into external sources. Possessing a soft spirit is really the key to being human, by allowing others to see and experience your emotions and vulnerability allows them to drop their guard too. From time to time, although you may be the more damaged of the two, you might have to drop your guard first for them to allow you in.
It's all about balance, don't feel hate towards those who hurt you but rather feel love to those who sincerely care about that bleeding heart of yours. Those various emotions keep us real and authentic, the true value of humanity. Allow those into your walls who bring honest to goodness intentions and protect yourself against the evil doers and heartbreakers. This may prevent you from asking "Et tu bae?"
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